Hilarious Facebook Status 2012

* I once reported my roommate to INS. Turns out she’s clean,
but I’m glad I did it.

* I’m gonna grab one of those bulls over there and ride into town like a
conquistador to challenge Hatcher to a duel, show him who the real tooth fairy is.

* I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?

* If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of
jealous countries not talking to each other.

* never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back
it tells you what the story is about.

* If I become a fan of myself, does that mean that every time I update my wall
it will send an update to my wall?

* remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.

* I’m searching for my happy place. I could have sworn I
left it next to the television..